I am Der Psychotisch Bear and this is my dungeon space. Posts will include; rants, lyrics, and encoding for a future book.

12th December 2013

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Thought Train

I have a weird thought pattern. It has many different levels of processing going on at once usually and when it stops abruptly it all disappears. Many times I find myself thinking about seven different things and doing math in my head. I’m almost always doing math in my head. Just random shit. Like cubes and squares. Sometimes I just keep increasing the power and keep going ‘till the train stops. Its the same thing for my thoughts when I am typing a rant out or poetry even. I just let my fingers do what they do and they convey my thoughts. That’s why I love reading. My thoughts are all concentrated on whats going on. Same with coding. When, I’m coding I lose track of everything. Everything just makes sense and comes together so easily. Fighting is probably my brains best rest from the think train. I tend to fight based on instincts and use of the knowledge I have of fighting.

7th December 2013

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here i go again, here i go again

lookin in the mirror

thinkin damn this life is a pain

thinkin what is it i fear here

thinkin where the fuck am i now

thinkin when am i gonna catch some light

thinkin why am i goin in circles like a trippin cow

thinkin out how i prefer the night

im a bear beating bastards till theyre barely breathin

im still only human, i have a capability of bleedin

step at me the wrong way, expect a quick fuckin bear claw

before there was anything to say, it’d knock you in your fuckin jaw

you forget, im a fuckin psycho

i was insane from the get go

in case you didnt know

i gotta hella mean hook like hellboy

i have a tendency to get mad like the hulk

theres a war goin on in my head

like the unstoppable force vs the immovable bulk

its not over till one of them is dead

be careful which you feed, one of them will conquer your mind

left for too long you may bleed, may get you caught up in a bind

sanity and soul sold to cthulhu, to help me know science

there are very few who are allowed in this alliance

even less who know their way through the dungeon

i got the world on my shoulders like im atlas

still tryna figure out my function

sometimes gettin lost in th blackness

5th December 2013

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RANT(been a minute)

Since, we obviously will never be able to agree to a one world government among all of us who live on this single planet. I feel like we should work out a deal where we settle disputes through a series of tests. Where instead of killing off thousands of innocent lives we set up a sort of extreme Olympics where we go, let us get that oil, we’ll put our best fighter against your best fighters. Who ever comes out victorious takes the prize. It doesn’t even have to be fighting. Its just the example I’m using, because humans love to see pain. Few of them actually like to be on the receiving end of that pain, though. The ones who enjoy it are usually the ones already damaged beyond belief and they can usually take it. 

lost my fuel, may continue later

5th December 2013

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incomplete

we up all hours, cause we like to pretend we got super powers. acting like we saving the word sorting through all this code. the fact is we only saving is our own node. we’re led to believe we can choose this game’s setting, but for some the gods set this shit to expert mode from 0day. people talk all this shit, but i dont hear the words they say. my kind looked down on, why when we acknowledge sometimes we too are a pawn. we have had rough lives and we’re fuckin hella torn. most of us cursed from the day we were born. sometimes we wishin we werent wise. our intelligence goin places people wish they knew about. its our turn now to ensure this world survives, i feel like it won’t otherwise. the past is past yet no one hears every time we try to shout. you’re all sheep following each other in circles. you’re all forgetting in the end we turn into our own pearls. none of us are perfect, we’re only human. none of us will survive if we dont form a full union. look past everyones flaws and realize we can do good with these destructive paws. i know maybe better than most, i was once just a bear wandering the coast. i was scared and lost, blamed the world cause i hated myself the most. went downtown lookin for fights. dem damn dogs always got stuck in my sights. eventually i moved onto to knocking assholes out like lights. you hit a girl, you deserve to get hit so hard you twirl. 

9th November 2013

Post reblogged from The First Drop with 265,753 notes

julialost:

monobeartheater:

rogue-of-teh-mind:

whatamievensaying:

nosdrinker:

how is it that we all started drawing that S thing in elementary school, across the country, without the Internet telling us to

Which S thing?

image

THE S THING

there was this big study on this and it just keeps going back and back and back to like the late 1800’s and even farther and farther and in the end no one has a fucking clue

guys, that was even a thing in France

how

high school hive mind

Source: nosdrinker

6th November 2013

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got these jews callin me a failure, guess these motherfuckers never knew what was my tenure. see i got shit in the makin, a plan thats a ten year. not going to college cause self education is what they fear. got these haters talkin shit over the webs so its shit i cant hear. put fuel in my tank and steer clear there were no instruction on how to feel pain, just contingencies to make sure the daemons get slain. what they dont see is there were two sides to this mane. gettin mad like the hulk, gettin mad dark when he sulk. gettin poisonous thoughts when he think hes broken. he knows he’s unique and is a sorta token, but that makes him feel alone and need to keep on tokin. he loves physical pain call him a masochist, his pain comes back to him when he throws his fist. throwin them about, weavin in and out. dodgin those thoughts that want you dead, tryin to shake those thoughts that got your body feelin like lead. feelin like it might just be worth it if he bled. always made sure he never got abandoned before he fled.

28th October 2013

Photoset reblogged from The First Drop with 222,152 notes

73x5sunrises:

violinistatwork:

Finally

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE JUST DESCRIBED MY ENTIRE ISSUE WITH COMMUNICATING WOW now i understand myself better

Source: supaslim

16th October 2013

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hate and anger

I really do not like hate nor anger. If there was anything I hated in this world it’d be anger and if there was anything that made me angriest in this world, it’d be hate. The problem has always been when I get angry people get hurt. I’ve knocked out quite a few people in my time for calling me names. It wasn’t until recently that I had a complete outlook change on fighting. Fighting isn’t about emotions, sure you can get mad and fight some one over petty shit, but what does that prove other than irrational behaviour and borderline ignorance. Fighting should be kept in the ring and with gloves, where you can actually prove your worth as a fighter and prove your style is greater than your opponent’s style. Don’t get me wrong I will still knock some out if I feel its justified, but you won’t see me get mad. I consider myself a monk and in the past few years I’ve been on a journey to eliminate anger from my system. It wasn’t until recently that I started realizing that this philosophy should be applied to governments of all shapes and sizes. Granted its on a bigger scaled and instead of anger being run by emotions they have war being run on money. It wasn’t until even more recently that anger reentered my system for the first time in a year or so. Its still lingering, but I fear it may never go away. Something about the fact that not only are we over seas fighting wars for money, but we are also fighting wars on our very homeland. SWAT should really be called Sure, We Are Terminators instead of Special Weapons and Tactics. When you fucking have the word tactics in your name, that means you use strategy. Strategy is protecting locals as a priority above just terminating your target. When you light a motherfucker up in broad day light and not worry about any children being scarred or about whether he was gonna fight back, that’s not fucking strategy nor is it tactics. That’s fucking bullshit macho terminator fuckshit. What happened to, you’re innocent until proven guilty? What happened to justice and the law? What happened to putting the people first? Fuck the police, fuck SWAT, the DEA, the FBI, the NSA. Fuck all your alphabet names, you’re all the same. You’re all killers with acronyms.

18th March 2013

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As these daemons close in, I wonder if I’ll need to cut them down. I can’t believe it was the truth I found. I climbed that huge mound, on the other side was darkness bound. Lingering, tinkering with reality. Again, I begin to see. Again, I begin to pay the fee. Here’s my sanity, let me in. You’re right, its forged. I lost it long ago. I just let it go. Sanity is overrated, I’d rather be hated. I can make lyrics as hard as a sack of lard hitting you in the face. You barely escape with your life as a bear comes busting down your door. His ferocious roar makes you shit your pants. The bear has awoken, he shouts as he lets out a hadouken. When no body is lookin the daemons have their go. Wear down the brain until the will has been slain. No pain no gain as I find my main vein. Then I realize, that this world needs my eyes. This world is in pain, and I need to eat its pain. I’m insane, so pain is to my gain. I learn when hurt, my skills are still kinda inert. Back up, I’m claustrophobic. Close in on me and your in shit, i’ll knock you out with one hit. I’m a maniac making manic mayhem, maybe my mood is a bit erratic. Some people feign mania, thats hella lame, huh. I grew up kind crazy. I was like, whats emotions to a hazy reality. Shadow people got me on lock, they’re in my closet waiting for my body to knock out. These daemons try to give me one helluva clout. I took a different route, knocked them in their snout. Stop it, America, with all that bullshit you spout. Its because of you that there are people like me who sprout. I’ve seen the darkness to come, without a doubt. I lived in the dark, waiting for a daemon shark. I let out a mighty bark, hoping they could make their mark. Meanwhile, the government disperses insanity pills, controlling the masses with these setup kills. Damn humanity, we’ve still got a lot of hills. I think its time we kill this father land, but even saying that might get me banned. Possibly even canned. They won’t take me down without a fight. I’ve had enough of the light. I’m out of sight. I’ve got a dangerous might, I prosper at night. I’ve fallen from a dangerous height, just get back up and drink from a holy cup. They cant stop me now, I’m the train that knows he can. At the end of the day, they are like damn man. I’ve got a mission, to show this world we dont need fission. I’ve got a messed up vision. Its our minds they are a fishin. This shit got me wishin for a better world. One that wasn’t so twirled. You see this bear has one helluva care. I won’t leave this plane, until the corruptness has been slain. Only problem is my life is a battle. My mind is the battle field. I fight myself, using me as a shield. Knowledge is all I wield. You’ll have to kill me before I will kneel. You don’t understand what I feel. No control, I’m stuck in a hole. As whole, I have a dark soul. I’m not evil, I just want humanity’s retrieval. We’ve been lost for awhile, as civilizations we do defile. Even our own people we exile. That’s it, I’m starting a file. Keeping tabs on you guys and all those lies. I’m aiming for the stars, but I’m shooting at the roots. If they ask you to turn against us, will you put down your boots? Or will you fight your friends? Remember before the military, how you were our friend? If they make you fight us, then I’m sorry this has to be the end. Friend against friend, brother against brother. This world is becoming a bother. Where the fuck is this almighty father. We got kids turning orphan, we got kids turning up a corpse. We got bombs blowing up buildings, we got people killing the children. I look out on the world, and watch as our wrong doings are unfurled.

13th February 2013

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poetry. not sure if done yet

They said I was a masochist, a masochist is what I am. I’m looking down on me, wondering when will you ascend. Leave back the filth, and get out of the hole. I was the one who dug it, to fill my soul. I came out of the womb, looking for my tomb. Shortly there after I realized I was torn. Into a terrible world I was born. After the first 11 years, it was my dad I did mourn. Grew up without his guiding hand, how did I learn to stand? I secret poison from my noise gland, yet I still think I’m awfully bland. I’ve been out in space, looking for land. I was one man in my very own band. I gave myself sweet sorrows saying, shit sure sucks since I’ve been grown. Yet, I grew the first night I was left all alone. I threw my own bone. I pretend to have a busy phone. All the while I’m not even in this zone. Watched myself from 3rd person. Is this real life? Why was I given such strife? What tempted me to pick up that first knife? Pain to drown out sorrow, can I borrow your sanity? I no long have any vanity. Why didn’t this world’s mod just ban me? Or at the very least can me. My code, which was entered in my node, doesn’t let me choose my own mode. My mode made my mood. My mood was in a feud, with me, the dude. Didnt even know my emotion until they set off into motion. Put on that lotion, dont cause such a commotion. I had this absurd notion, that I could fix me with a potion. So shit sucks, suck it up. thats what they said, but then I let it all go to my head. Out of order, its like my mind is Mordor. No one cares to open its door.